What else is there?

The other day I was watching The Swan Princess with Teya and a scene in the movie REALLY caught my attention and got me thinking. There's a prince see, and he is betrothed to this princess but he never gives her the time of day when she's younger and an "ugly duckling." Then she grows up and is gorgeous and as soon as he lays eyes on her he tells the king to arrange their marriage. Well the princess is a smart girl and she asks, "Why do you want to marry me?" And here's where it caught my attention. The prince answers, "Because, you're BEAUTIFUL!" And she says, "What else?" And the prince looks really confused and says, "What else is there?"

What else is there?! How am I going to raise my daughters in this world where Beauty is worshiped and people ask, what else is there? How can I teach them that their worth has nothing to do with the clothes that they wear, the shape of their bodies, the color of their eyes, the way they fix their hair. What else is there? There is sooo much more, but when everywhere they turn they are bombarded with false images of "perfection" how can I teach them to believe that beauty really DOES come from within? I know it has to start with me believing that MYSELF!


Brinley has the most endearing scrumptious little rolls of chub that start at her wrists and go all the way up her arms. (see above picture) I adore them and smile every time I see them. Yet at the same time I berate myself for my own little collection of rolls and speak of them with disdain every time I catch a glimpse in the mirror. Why do I do that? I would never pinch her rolls in disgust or think they kept her from being wonderful in any way. So why do I feel like they keep me from being wonderful? I'm pretty sure Heavenly Father looks at us the same way we look at our children, with adoring, loving, accepting eyes. He doesn't care if I have a flat stomach, or perfect hair or amazingly long eyelashes. He doesn't care if I'm wearing name brand clothes or if I shaved my legs today or not. He looks at my heart, is there beauty there? I hope so. Because I could spend all day, every waking hour, trying to perfect my outward appearance, but if I neglect developing inner virtues, no amount of exercise, dieting or makeup could really make me beautiful.

Right now I'm coming to grips with the fact that no matter how much I exercise, I will never wear the size I wore when I was 15 again, and that's okay. I'm not 15, I'm almost 29! I've had 2 babies, I am not a model and no one ever sees me in my underwear so why the heck do I think I need to have a model's body anyway?! How can I teach my daughters to love their bodies and to feel beautiful as they are? By loving my body and feeling beautiful as I am. When I was 21 I wrote a poem about this. I found this poem the other day and feel the urgency to love myself even more now that I have two daughters who are looking to my example. It's a little cheesy, and maybe even a bit silly, but it has some good reminders for me, so I'm putting it up here to help me remember to love myself, imperfections and all.

I'm learning to love the girl that I see
When I look in the mirror and know that it's me.
I'm learning to love my thick inner thighs
and the zits on my face that I try to disguise.
I'm learning to love all the hair on my toes
and the fact that 5'2" is as much as I'll grow.
I'm learning to love all the folds in my tummy
and the cellulite dimples that speckle my bummy
and the way my eyelashes are short thick and stubby
and the way that my smile makes my cheeks look real chubby.
I'm learning ot love the person I am
and I'm learning to love how I fit in God's plan.
I'm learning to love all my quirks and my "isms"
for learning is freedom from vanity's prison.
I choose to be free from the chains of deception
that bind me to falsified views of perfection.
I refuse to believe that my body is ugly
if I size 4 or 5 fits around me to snugly.
I'm learning that beauty is more than skin deep,
it's the sum of our souls, it's the values we keep.
It's the way we develop our talents and skills,
it's the way that we conquer adversities hills.
It's the way we treat others, and God up above,
it's the way that each day we are learning to love.

"What else is there?" I can think of a few things right now: There is kindness, gentleness, hard work, dependability, forgiveness, humility, generosity, graciousness, wisdom, warmth, caring, sacrifice, service, knowledge, faith and love. Those are the qualities of some of the most gorgeous and beautiful women I know. Those women might not ever make it on the cover of a fashion magazine, but they are stunningly beautiful. Next time I'm tempted to talk bad about my rolls or any other wonderful part of myself, I'll remember that : )

I Followed Through! (Well at least once...)

On our last trip to Utah Teya had a tantrum relapse and her behavior was FAR from exemplary. Exasperated I asked my mother (and sisters, and brother in laws and anyone who was around) what I could be doing better to help her? The answer I got back shocked me.

“You need to follow through.”

“Follow through? What are they talking about!? I always follow through! Are they blind?”

Just to prove it to myself the next time Teya acted up I threatened to take away her beloved Elephant. “I’m gonna count to 3! 1-2-3!” and I snatched away Elephy just like that. “Ha! You see? I follow through!” But then her big brown eyes welled up with giant tears. Real, genuine, heart breaking tears. They splashed over her checks and rolled down her neck and in that moment I knew I was the world’s cruelest mother. “Okay, okay, here’s your elephant.” I hastily gave it back, the tears stopped, and in my mind I still thought I had followed through because after all, I did take the elephant away and she obviously learned her lesson because she was soooo sad.

Unfortunately the lesson she learned was not the one I was trying to teach her.

Lesson intended: bad choices=loss of privileges (i.e. elephant )

Lesson learned: Turn on the tears and Mom will undo punishment.

Easy for anyone on the outside to see, but for me, I really thought I was following through. Every time she was bad I took away a privilege. But she was always so sad that I let her earn her privileges back (usually within the same half hour) and as a result, she never took my threats very seriously.

Well then one of my friends told about a time when her boys were really acting up so she sent them to their rooms at 5pm for the rest of the night. Her son cried and cried, he told her he was sorry and that he wouldn’t do it again. (Which is where I would’ve caved and said, “okay, thank you for saying sorry. You can come play now.”) She however said something to the effect of, “Thanks for saying sorry, but you still have to suffer the consequences for your actions.” WHOA! Hearing this story was a break through moment for me. She had used something I was desperately in need of: Tough Love. I vowed I would try it out.

Well it took awhile but a couple of weeks ago I did it. Teya LOVES watching TV and it’s one of her most precious privileges. She had been especially good at church and since she hadn’t watched TV in a few days I told her that she had earned the privilege of watching the whole Wubbzy movie when we got home. I really wanted to let her do that because 1)she’d been SO good and I thought she deserved it and 2) it meant I would get a little break too! But then just before we got home she was very disrespectful to both me and Taber and when we tried to get her to apologize she launched into a record breaking tantrum. She hasn’t thrown one like that in a LONG time and we were both blown away. Without really thinking I told her that if she didn’t stop she wasn’t going to be able to watch her movie. She didn’t stop. It took an hour to calm her down. When she was finally settled, she whimpered out a very sincere apology and asked if she could now watch her movie. Here was the moment of truth. I was so ready for a TV break, but I knew I needed to follow through. She begged and cried and said sorry a million times. It was so hard not to give in. It took support (Taber helped me stick to in when I wanted to cave) and I think it really did hurt me more than it hurt her, but somehow we got through the rest of that tough day without any TV and Teya finally learned what it feels like to really lose a privilege.

Now the awesome part of this story is what has happened since then. Teya takes me seriously! Before when she would whine or cry I would threaten to take away a privilege and she would just keep whining. Now when I threaten, she stops in her tracks, forces a smile, and with great effort changes her whine into a pleasant tone. I don’t even need to threaten with my mean mommy voice, all it takes is a gentle reminder that a privilege is at stake and she really tries to change her behavior. I know it isn’t all directly related to that incident, after all, her overriding personality is sweetness, but her fiery side seems to have been tamed and I really believe it has a lot to do with me following through.

I still have a lot to learn as a mother and I’m sure what works for Teya will be completely different than what will work for Brinley. Still, I’m patting myself on the back right now because dog gone it, I followed through! (well, at least once ; )

A Binky Story

Once upon a time a mommy had a baby. And sometimes the baby would cry and cry. but then one day Mommy found a magical cure to all her tears, a tiny harmless little thing called a binky. Insert binky, no more crying! Baby and Mommy were very happy and they both grew to love the magical binky.

Then baby started getting bigger. And baby wanted binky even when she wasn't crying. Mommy thought, well that's okay, she's still just a baby, whatever makes her happy.

Baby continued to grow and binky kept getting more and more mouth time. Mommy thought, well, she hasn't even started to talk, when she starts talking I'll take it away.

Baby, now toddler, started to talk but binky still didn't go away. Infact, now that baby could talk she let mommy know in no in no uncertain terms how much she loved binky and how sad she would be if mommy took it away.

As baby started becoming a little girl Mommy finally cracked down and banished binky to bedtime only. Somehow the little girl still managed to negotiate plenty of "one special times" to suck her binky outside of bed.

Then the little girl became a big sister. The transition was difficult and Mommy found herself giving in more and more to the binky.

The little girl turned 3 and what did she ask for for her birthday? Why a binky of course! Such a simple request, how could mommy say no?

Then one day Mommy looked at her little girl and thought, "What in the world is my 3 year old doing sucking a binky!"
Mommy realized she had put this off long enough. She always thought, "I'll take it away after the baby comes, after we move, after we go out of town, after this trip, etc...." But she knew there would always be something to rationalize holding on. It was time for the little girl (and mommy) to let it go.

So Mommy told the little girl about a new baby that was born that needed some toys and a binky and asked the little girl if she could give him hers. The little girl (with a BIG heart) saw the picture of the little baby and agreed to part with her most beloved possession. Together with Daddy they put together a care package with the binky, sealed it up, and "sent it off" to the baby. The little girl was very brave during the day but that night she cried and cried for her binky. She cried so long and so hard that she finally ended up crashing on the floor in mommy's room. Mommy slept on the floor next to her to help her through that difficult first night.

It has now been a week and a half since the little girl said goodbye to her binky. She has done amazingly well, and despite one or two minor meltdowns at night, hasn't cried over binky and has gone to sleep just fine without it. Mommy is so very proud of her little girl (and herself) For finally learning to let go.

THE END (p.s. Here is a little video of Teya saying goodbye to binky)

Shorter version of Teya saying goodbye to binky from Taber Rigg on Vimeo.

Keep on Paddling

So yesterday was one of those days where I felt like a hamster running on a wheel. Run run run, all day long, and in the end, I managed to go absolutely no where! Still, I think I was able to learn a great lesson from it all.

It started out at 3 a.m. when Teya woke me up for the third time to let me know she was hungry. bleary eyed I walked like a zombie down to the kitchen and made her some toast, all the while saying, "This is why I told you to eat your dinner, next time you don't eat your dinner and you wake up hungry I'll just say, 'too bad, should've eaten when you had the chance!" As I'm saying it we're both thinking, "yeah right! Mom will always get up in the middle of the night to feed Teya because she's a big fat push over!"

The rest of the day was downhill from there. I woke up sleep deprived and sluggish. Still I had high hopes of making it to playgroup by 10am. We hadn't been out of the house all week and I thought for sure this would be the day for fresh air. I got dressed, fed Teya, dressed Teya (which is always a HUGE ordeal for miss picky) then went to dress the baby. A few minutes later I heard Teya crying and saw that my hard work of dressing her was ruined by a cup of juice. I pulled off her shirt and was about to find a new one that might please her majesty when the baby started crying. I rushed off to feed the baby leaving Teya half dressed. Then things were quiet, too quiet.

Me (calling from the bedroom where I'm nursing the baby): "What are you doing Teya?"
Teya: "Nothing! Don't look me mom, Go away!"
Me (nervous now because "nothing" always means something bad) "Come here right now, what are you doing?"
Teya: "I say nothing Mom! Don't look me! (giggles)
I finish feeding the baby and walk into the bathroom to see this:

Teya: "LOOK MOMMY! I'M SO PRETTY! I WEAR MAKE-UP!"
I look at Teya, her tummy, her legs, her feet, the counter, the floor and most obviously her face are covered in my eye shadow (which as you can guess is long gone by now). I look at the time: "tick tock tick tock, playgroup starts in 20 minutes!" Yikes! it takes 20 minutes just to bundle up my kids and load them into the car up here in frozen Minnesota, guess we'll be late but we might still make it.

I tried wiping her face with a wipe, no good. I tried makeup remover and it was coming off but then Teya got her hands in the water and started sloshing it all over. Now brown water was spilling over the counter onto her feet. This isn't working I think, guess it's bath time again. She walks over to the tub leaving brown footprints. Guess I'll have to clean my bathroom again. The Hamster wheel keeps spinning. run run run, clean clean clean, bathe bathe bathe, feed feed feed, then start all over again! AHHHHH!

Finally the bath is done and it's back to the battle of getting her dressed. "This too tight! These pants are hurting me! I don't want this shirt! WAAAAAA!!!!" At last she's dressed. I look at the time, "tick tock tick tock, playgroup is officially over, but there might be a few moms still hanging out."

I turn to Teya, "Okay, I'm just going to change Brinley's diaper and then we're going bye bye"
Teya: "I don't want to go bye bye, I just want to stay in Minnesota!"
Me: "We are in Minnesota, we're going to the community center, don't you want to go to the community center?"
Teya: "Yeah! The community center! Let's go Mom!"
Me: "Okay just a minute, I gotta change Brinley"

I go to pick up Brinley and of course, her diaper is leaking wonderful yellow nastiness all over her outfit. How hard can it be to feed and dress two kids and get them out of the house!? The Supernanny could do this in 20 minutes! Why is it taking me 2 hours!!! Brinley is going to need a bath too. Hop back on the hamster wheel. Run run run!

Finally we're all ready, playgroup is long over, but for the sake of my own sanity I want to leave the house.

Me:"Okay Teya, are you ready to go?"
Teya: "I'm hungry mom."

Of course you're hungry. Of course we're not going to leave the house. Who was I kidding anyway? I feed the girls. Looks like Brinley will need another bath. My To-do list is sitting on the table laughing at me. Haven't crossed off one thing yet. Should've written down, "dress kids, feed kids, bathe kids" a couple of times. Then my list would be looking pretty good.

At last the kids are fed, bathed, dressed and down for a nap. Only problem is, Brinley doesn't want to nap. I try unsuccessfully for an hour to get her down. Finally I give up and decide that nap time will not be the sanctuary I was hoping for. Teya wakes up throwing a disoriented fit. The bags under my eyes are getting heavier. As Teya screams in the background I call Taber and leave a voicemail.

"Hey babe, it's me. (Teya screaming in the background) I was thinking maybe we could switch jobs for awhile. (More screaming) I know I don't have an MBA or anything, but I'm sure General Mills could use me somewhere. (Teya's screaming escalates) I could be a secretary (more screaming) or an aide for someone (Screaming becomes hysterical) I'll even be a janitor just please! Think about it, you'd be a great stay at home Dad! I think we're on to something here! okay, gotta go, bye!"

Teya is still screaming but now I'm laughing. Confused by my laughter she stops screaming.

"Are you hungry?" I ask her.
"Yes" she whimpers back

Content, I jump back on my wheel and keep running. This is my life, those darling little girls that require so much feeding, cleaning and caring for are mine, and I wouldn't give that up for anything.

Today my friend shared some motivational advice that fit perfectly with my experience. She said that her husband told her a story of two kayakers who went 8 miles against the wind, beating their opponenents with one simple strategy: "Keep paddling". No blasting ahead and dead stops. She said, "I've told the story like 8 times in the last 24 hours, and I can't stop thinking about it... doing laundry that will be a mess again in two days (keep paddling), working on my business (keep paddling), trying to talk my daughter through the abyss of her emotional, tortured, soul-felt tantrum (keep paddling)... consistent effort to get to the end. I like it."

I also read a talk today by Elder Lawrence E. Crobridge of the Seventy. He said,
"Life is hard, but life is simple. Get on the path and never, ever give up. You never give up. You just keep on going. You don't quit, and you will make it."

Today we got out of the house, both kids are napping at the same time, my laundry is whirling away in the washer and I'm blogging in a semi-clean, quiet house. Life is hard but life is simple. Just keep paddling and you will make it!