Before we moved I tried to prep Teya on making new friends. I told her she needed to smile and introduce herself in a clear voice, then ask the other person's name and invite them to be her friend. We practiced it quite a bit.
Teya:(Smiling) Hi my name is Teya. What's your name?
Me: My name is Mommy
Teya: Do you want to be my friend?
Me: Yeah!
Teya: Okay! let's play!
I figured she would be dealing with other 3-4 year olds, so this little formula would be pretty fail proof.
On Thursday, after 4 days of setting up the house and no sign of any of the neighbor kids, we set out to the indoor playground at the mall. There Teya found a little girl exactly her height and decided this was going to be her new friend.
Teya: (Smiling) Hi my name is Teya. What's your name?
Little Girl: Blank stare
Teya: Come on, let's go play
Little Girl: Ignores Teya and goes off to play somewhere else.
Teya looked confused but was determined to make a new friend so she started following her around the playground. The little girl made NO interaction with Teya, and watching this unfold I started getting a knot in my stomach. I never told Teya that maybe someone wouldn't want to be her friend. I didn't know how she would handle the dissapointment.
Luckily Teya seemed oblivious to the fact that the girl was ignoring her. She just kept following her around and when she saw me her face broke into a giant smile and she shouted, "Look Mom! This is my new friend!" I gave her a nervous thumbs up as I watched the little girl escape Teya again. "Where'd my friend go?" She would ask every few minutes when she lost sight of her. "Mom, where's my friend?"
At this point I just felt sick. Moving is hard enough, we'd been here for 4 days (an eternity to a 3 year old) Why couldn't she just meet one friendly little person? My mother bear instincts wanted to shake that kid and say, "Why don't you play with my daughter!?"
Then I noticed that the little girl was wearing a diaper. I heard her call to her mommy, she didn't speak very well and still had that baby talk voice. Her mom was sitting near me so I asked her, "How old is your daughter?" "almost 2 and 1/2" she responded. Suddenly I felt relieved. 2 and 1/2? No wonder she wasn't responding to Teya's fast paced dialogue. For all I know she could just be learning to talk! Teya is almost 4 but she is pretty tiny for her age, and this girl was pretty tall for her age. Teya just assumed that same height meant same age, and so did I!
When Teya came back over to me and said, "My new friend is kinda shy." I pointed out that the little girl was wearing a diaper and was still little and probably didn't know how to talk really well. Teya seemed to be happy with this explanation and said, "well mom, we need to find a friend who's my age!" I laughed, where did she learn to say "my age?"
The next day some people from our ward came over and introduced themselves. They have 5 kids including a 4 year old, and Teya was a pretty happy to meet them. We went to their house on Saturday and another family with 3 little girls ages 5, 4, and 18 months was there too. It was great to see Teya glowing as she interacted with all her "new friends."
Making friends can be scary and hard, but it's amazing how it helps us to go out of our comfort zones, stretch, and grow. While I was so stressed about that little girl not talking to Teya, she was completely unaffected by it. Whether that girl talked to her or not, in Teya's mind, they were friends! I love watching her go out and without making any judgments, unconditionally invite and accept people as her friends. She doesn't have insecurities or wonder if people will like her, she just assumes they will and goes for it! I'm trying to follow her example and even got brave and took the family with Taber to introduce ourselves to the neighbors. They were wonderful and so nice, giving us their phone numbers and inviting us to call if we ever need anything. Just like Teya, I'm excited to make new friends and I know that with the right attitude, we're going to have a great experience here.
13 comments:
Teya is so cute. She was always so sweet to Miley, even though Miley is a couple years younger than her. I know Miley thought Teya was pretty cool stuff, and loved being her friend. :) I am sure in a couple of weeks you guys are going to have friends lining up to hang out with you....you are just warm, fun, kind people and it is hard not to be friends with someone like you guys!
Aaw, Teya is such a sweetheart. She's definitely got the friendly "everyone wants to be friends w/ you" gene...just like her mommy! What a lucky girl to have such a fun inviting personality:) She'll have tons of friends in no time!!
I can totally understand this story, I had the same thing happen to Jack the other day at the Plymouth Fieldhouse. A little boy (about 4) was playing by himself and Jack decided he wanted to play too.. unfortunatley the little boy just shooshed him away but Jack was determined/pestering, all in all it ended in me having to take him away from the little boy. Jack totally had his feelings hurt and was crying, I felt terrible for him. But he was over it in a few minutes but I linger on it for a while and was defensive too. I'm happy to hear you've met some people already!!
We have been there also. Abigail tried to befriend an older girl and she was heartbroken when the girl kept telling her to get away and leave all the toys alone. Thank goodness kids are so resilent, but boy did it make the mama bear in me "almost" come out. ; ) Anybody that takes the time to get to know your family will be blessed!
Just to let you know ... the "mama bear" never goes away ;-) Good for Teya! Go, girl, go!
It is so hard to make new friends and be in a new place. I know you guys will adjust- little things are just hard too like, a new grocery store, getting lost, and a new ward. Hang in there- and that story about Teya just about killed me. Geez kids can tear at the heart strings can't they?
This was a really funny post. I love this 3-4 year old stage. When Makenzie started preschool this year we tried to prepare her for kids not wanting to be friends, and maybe we went over board because later (before her first day of school) I asked her if she was ready for preschool and she said, "yep some kids will be your friend and some kids won't" The whole friend thing didn't seem to bother her and she's been great this year at preschool.
I see Justin is really busy at work, haha. The whole visual of the mall incident is so funny. Jarom is about the same age as that little girl and pretty tall too and I can just see him standing there in shock if an older kid started actually interacting with him. So funny. That is great that Teya is so gregarious and good at making friends, it would be hard if your kids were super shy. I'm sure all of you will have a great circle of friends in no time, you can't help but love you guys!!
Sometimes it is really hard when you first move to somewhere new. My heart just went out to you and Teya. I know the Mommy bear never goes away too. I still feel very protective of my children. It more frustrating now because they are grown now and out of my control.
I do remember how hard it was for the kids the many times we moved.
I just want you to know I love you and miss all of you so very much.
Soon you'll know lot's of friends there and feel right at home. As long as you have your family with you you're making history each day.
Love you so much,
Grandma Pratt
I love how you said you would follow Teya's example! Where on earth do you think she learned to be that way in the first place!? You are so funny Becca! Glad Teya is adjusting well...and you too!
I love the little friend story with Teya. I think both you and she are always going to be surrounded by friends anywhere you go, because you're both so awesome.
Oh that's so hard. I am glad that the kid ended up being just a baby and not just a rude kid. Teya is such a sweetie. It is funny how much our kids end up teaching us when we thought we were the ones that were supposed to be teaching them. Lucky for you guys, you have the gift of being able to grow where ever you are planted. You are a friend magnet and it looks like it has rubbed off on your kids too.
ha ha ha shaking the kid! I know how that feels! What a little social butterfly, I think Mya and Teya are very similar! ha ha ha Teya definitely has her parents friendly attitudes!
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