Help please!!! Teya is going through a serious rough patch with tantrums. She doesn't have them all the time, but when she does they're MAJOR! Little things will set her off, like we told her she couldn't take her stuffed piglet into nursery and she flipped out BIG time! Screaming, crying, kicking, totally inconsolable until she finally got her piglet back. The other day when we had to leave the pool and she didn't want to go, total meltdown. Then today we pulled into Wal-Mart and she didn't want to get out of the car and screamed and kicked all the way through the parking lot. Once inside Wal-Mart she continued to scream at the top of her lungs, refusing to get into the basket, refusing bribes of any sort, she wouldn't even let me put her down. At this point in my pregancy it's really hard to hold her for long periods of time, especially when she's kicking and screaming. So yeah, very rough situation that was finally overcome with a chocolate donut, not my ideal solution.At home we just put her in her room and she usually lays down in her bed and calms herself down. But I have no idea what to do with her when we're not at home. She even asked to go 'night night" through her screams when we were at Wal-Mart but obviously that wasn't an option. So I guess my question is, how do you deal with tantrums in public? Do you attempt your regular discpline routine? Do you give in to bribes just to stop people from staring? Do you turn around and drive back home and try to do your errands another time? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
13 comments:
I know it's a pain in the neck, but you turn around and go home. Then do your regular discipline at home. Don't give in, whatever you do, it only makes the tantrum worth it to them. Just my opinion.
oh man, becca, I hate that! Anna did that for me in walmart before. I got so mad, I just put everything back that was in may cart and marched her out the door. I know Stephan's done that before at Walmart too.
My mom did that with us as kids too. She told us it's a privledge to go shopping. (Not that our kids totally understand that concept now).
I'm excited to see what others write to see what works too!
You're an awesome mommy!
Wow. I'm so not excited for this stage, especially with two of them and a baby! I can see myself just walking out. I wouldn't put up with it. I'll keep checking to see what others say! You always have good topics on your blog!
I so hate this stage myself. Aspen responds really well to having a little control over the situation. For example, if she is ticked that she has can't have something in that moment I'll ask her to put it in a special place. Then I direct her into a decision on where to put it by walking her to where I want it. That's the nice phase. If she's unreasonable I will sometimes ask if she wants water on her face... I KNOW, gasp... but all that means is I stand by the sink and ask her several times to say "I'm all done being sad" and ask if she wants water on her face. If she won't, I run cold water over my hand and then put my hand on her face. It startles her a little and then she usually calms down after a few times cause she hates it.
Hang in there! You're a rock star mom Becca. I'm sure your instincts will get you through until she's over this phase.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Kainoa has his moments too, but when he does we wait in the car or usually go somewhere private. It's such a tough age, I know. We started time outs with Kainoa when he was two. I know the books say they don't understand discipline at that age, but hey it worked for us. He knows enough to where he knows he doesn't like time out. I know every child is different so maybe just going home is the better option. Hmmm, that's a really tough one because everyone has their own ideas on how to discipline their child/children. Good luck!
It's been awhile but I remember doing a little briefing in the car. "When we go to Walmart if you do x,y, or Z than you will not get a treat or will get this punishment." Keeping them busy is helpful too. I'd give Liam a notebook with pictures that I'd draw of some of the things that we were to buy and he can spot them in the store and check them off. I also avoid all areas of the store that I know he couldn't resist. Avoid the toy and candy section like the plague! I agree that punishment should be at home. Good luck Becca!
Oh No! I am sorry, this is so hard because every kid is different. What works for one, doesn't work for another. Here are a couple things that have worked for us, First at Walmart: Harper HATES Walmart, mostly because Publix and Kroger has spoiled him. So we either start out with a cookie or end with a cookie depending on the situation. It hasn't gotten to the point..YET... where he is inconsolable. What I plan to do in that part is just take him to the car and sit there in his seat w/out music/toys etc. until he calms himself down and is ready to try again. Sorry this is tough! I think mostly they are testing us to see how far they can push us. DON'T GIVE IN! Stand your ground. And don't worry about what other people think, either, most likely they have been in the SAME situation! Good Luck!
I am stalking your blog Becca
:0) I say NEVER GIVE IN AND BRIBE! Once they know you will give in, it's all over. I understand being so drainned when you are pregnant though!!! It's hard to function and be strong! If I were in that situation (which I have too many times to count!), I wouldn't leave, just because a-that is what they want, and b- it's a pain to get back to Walmart...not fun for me either but has to be done. I am a firm believer that where ever you are, nip it in the butt. Who cares who is looking! I would put my kids on the floor and say,"Don't move out of that block (a certian tile)until you are calmed down." (And other shoppers just have to go around us!) How ever long that takes, you stand there and wait. Or look around at whatever is in the isle but don't give them anymore attention, they want that. Once their fit is over they owe you an appology. It is embarrassing but you don't owe those people anything. You owe your child. Put other's looks and comments aside---I get them everytime I am out in public now with four in toe. (Can you tell I am on my soap box with this one- he he he). Side note, always carry goldfish for hunger meltdowns!!! :0)
My two cents:
Never bribe to get out of a tantrum. If they scream for 2 min. & you give in, they got their way. Next time, they will scream LONGER, because they're waiting for you to break down... they know you will! It will get longer & longer. Easiest to not start. So what do you do? I think you already made the suggestion yourself... leave. (or maybe go to the car to see if they can settle down) It's the hardest thing to do, because if you're like me, you've got certain errands scheduled out and leaving messes everything up. But sometimes that's the best option. (although my kids have screamed through a store many times). If you know she's hungry/tired, sometimes you can try to prevent the oncoming tantrum by addressing those issues BEFORE going into the store. I've read that if you tell them "don't do this, this & this " then you put those ideas in their head and set them up for failure. You can try saying things like "Here's what I expect while in the store... " type of comments, but I don't promise a treat every time. I feel they need to learn appropriate behavior and they don't need a treat for it every time. I try not to bribe w/ something everytime I walk INTO a store either, because then it's expected EVERY time and if you don't have something one time, then there's a tantrum. I prefer random treats/rewards, not when it's asked for. I get annoyed if they think it's "owed" to them. Anyway, I'm rambling now, so I think you have good motherly insticts and you'll figure out what works best for you and Teya, despite all our opinions. Remember that they go through phases. This too shall pass. She is testing you and will do so even more when she has to share the attention w/ a new baby in the house. Keep assuring her of your love for her, but not her behavior. Good luck!
Oh man--tantrums in public are the worst! I am SO sorry because it is just that much worse when you are pregnant and tired! I agree with Allison that it is better not to leave. Something that has helped me (I read it in Love and Logic) is to either ignore and walk away (of course peeking back to make sure they aren't hurting themselves) then pay LOTS of attention to them when they stop OR encourage the art form. Yes, it sounds silly but LOVE AND LOGIC gave the idea and it really catches them off-guard! When Haela throws a fit (yes, they still happen but are getting better!) I will try (if I am good enough to remember) to stay cheerful and just tell her to kick her legs and arms a little harder and when she's done let me know. People will stare but if they have kids they know EXACTLY what your going through. Good luck!
That is so funny that you posted this because we just got home from our first tantrum in Wal-mart. We have no idea what we are doing but we sat her on the floor of wal-mart like a time out. She sat there and cried and people watched. But, then she got over it. I feel bad that you are going through the same thing- but it makes me feel better that it is not just my child!
Thanks to everyone for your great advice and help! Tomorrow is grocery shopping day so hopefully things will go smoothly but if not I'm glad to be armed with such great advice!
Dude Bec, I wish I had good advice like everyone else, but as you well know, Brooklyn is 4 and 1/2 months and she rules my life with tantrums. I think it is just in her personality because I have tried everything you can with a baby that age and nothing really works...however, she knows mommy means business and daddy doesn't. She cries way longer when Kevin is home cause she knows he will give in! She gives up eventually with me because I ignore her.
I did see something on TV that might help though. This mom just brought a sign with her to the store that said, "Beware: Temper Tantrum in Progress". When her kids threw fits she put the sign by them and walked away. It worked cause they didn't get any attention or the priveledge of seeing her sweat in front of others. Just a thought! It might be nice for you to not have to hold her while you are super prego and she is kicking and screaming. I might have to try it pretty soon myself!
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